I m rereading and updating diary-like entries on this blog, from the past two years. I call it “from the vault”. I’m collecting the entries for a LS Harteveld book called Big (diaries and erotica).
In today’s episode, I m talking about a man I would later refer to as Mister Big. I would write erotica about him for two years. Funny to read his permission to stay hung by a prayer book thread!
I have a daily prayer book. Which doesn’t mean that I pray daily, but if the mood strikes I know where to go. I already made my most risky decision of 2015 with it:
When I was about to give my heart to an unreliable man, who will most likely shred it to pieces one day, this called for advice.
So I consulted Until Today by Iyanla Vanzant.
The prayer book was loud and clear as it opened that day with:
Life doesn’t always go the way you want or plan that it will go. It hardly ever looks the way you first envisioned that it would look.
And just in case those two sentences left any room to be interpreted as “Run for your life! Hide while you can!” a page long explanation followed on all ways in which you cannot control life. It ends with the affirmation:
Today I am moving with the flow of life! I am living the life that flows!
And that advice sealed one man’s fate of happiness.
And until the day he breaks my heart, mine too.
The book’s February prayers are about love. One page in particular was helpful to me in how to be loving. I always fear being rejected, and making mistakes. This often leaves me feeling inadequate. For example: one day a friend was applying for a job, and then my family asked me things like:
“But why is it such a straining job?”
“What is the name of the company?”
“How many hours will she be working.”
And I yelled:
“How should I know! I just offered to be there when she returns from the interview, with cake and tea so she can tell her story!”
The prayer book explains why, in love and relationships, my offer to just be there for her was okay. There is no such thing as the wrong type of love. Just make sure you give love, and don’t withhold it.
This prayer covers a whole page too, so I can’t possibly quote the whole thing, but here are a few sentences that may strike a cord, and that may turn you into an even better friend, a more thoughtful lover, and a more consistent supplier of cake, this Valentines Day.
From Until Today by Iyanla Vanzant:
When you don’t provide the other person with valuable information that could make your relationship with them better, you are withholding your love.
Withholding love for any reason is a sign that we are crying out in fear. Fear of being hurt. Fear our love will not be reciprocated. When you find yourself backing up, pulling back, withdrawing from another person ask yourself: Why am I withholding my love?
Today I am devoted to loving and being loved without being afraid!
From the vault (update 2017)
“From the vaults” will be posted on both M Yoga and LS Harteveld.
Yoga classes from me can be found at M Yoga Nijmegen
I’m teaching from Yoga with Adriene for 21 weeks & provide her videos here for home practice. This is week 3. Our week starts on Monday. You ll receive new blogposts every Sunday night.
video: 20 minutes with Adriene : Yoga for when you are sick
Now needed more than ever! Get well soon all you sick yogis and yoginis.
There is no pdf here because I recommend using the video if you re sick.
Adriene will slow things down and do a better job at healing you than rushing through a sticky men schedule.
click here for the pdf that combines both routines.
I created a playlist with 2 cd’s from Enoudi.
Enoudi Yoga Playlist
I couldn’t find Writing Poems – Enoudi on Spotify, otherwise it would have been #14
I use Writing Poems + the last two tracks for the long relaxation in all classes