by Suzanne L. Beenackers
For a really long time I had no idea what I wanted in life. And I still seriously doubt if I count as someone who is focused on making her dreams come true. In fact, I m pretty sure that I don’t. And yet; I do know I am living an authentic life, and that I m true to my inner-voice and that I have the luxury of doing something I absolutely adore. Sometimes it’s frustrating – yes- to still be worried about your income when you re 43 (What HAVE you been doing with your life Suzanne!– no idea whose voice that was) but I know teaching yoga and all the time it leaves me to write blog posts like these and engage in other hobbies, is worth more than any pension retirement plan or other financial benefit most of my peers from college will have.
I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book. In two days. And it were working hours.
Try that working at a bank ;)
The reason it took a couple of failed jobs and an academic degree before I found my inner voice (so I could follow it) was because I was expecting my inner voice to be something like:
I want to become an industrial designer!
In other words: I expected my inner voice to direct me how we could make money doing what we love. Inner voices don’t do that. They say things like:
I like doing math.
I like taking pictures.
I like watching movies with Brad Pitt.
But the moment you try to claim, train and focus that, something else takes over. It’s called (and you may want to cover your ears for this)
And because the ego is now colonizing an area that used to be exclusive to your inner voice, it becomes really hard to tell which voice is which. And as soon as you start doing something with your ego, for example as soon as you take professional training or ask money for your services, your inner voice may drop silent. And stop liking it.
In my case my ego liked doing academic work, my inner voice didn’t. My inner voice liked photography, ego didn’t. Inner voice liked yoga, ego liked playing yoga studio. So that’s where we settled to live happily ever after (ego would like more money).
Maybe your inner voice will point you to an area where you can make money, maybe it won’t. But no matter what it says it is worth to listen to it, and take it out and have fun with what it likes to do.
week 3/7 Spiritual Practices: The Yes Board
Until you know what you really want to say yes to, you will continue to say Yes to everything else.
For 7 weeks I m teaching from Life Loves You from Louise Hay. In Chapter 3 this book invites you to go find that inner voice.
You can create a YES board, or a YES list, or booklet, to record everything your inner voice says yes to (for reference- so that you don’t forget when the inner-voice is silent again). This board is not about ambition, it’s about purpose. It’s about what you would like to do, or like to experience, or like to possess; but when no one is watching. So not because anybody else is judging if you are a good person (who has “altruism” on your YES list), or if you are successful.
Everything you hear the voice say that doesn’t bring in money or status -> put it straight onto the board.
Everything you hear the voice say that could bring in money or status, ask yourself: would I still want this if I failed? If the result was less than I hoped for? If the answer is yes -> scribble it down. That’s your heart talking.
One of the things in my life that I ve been positive about since my late 20s was: I don’t want children. And what I wondered was; why not? Couldn’t I think of positive moments, and imagine the love for that little baby filling my heart? Yes, I could. But what I couldn’t see is how I could still be happy, instead of desperate, if I went unemployed, had sickness, domestic troubles of any kind, or if I would simply run out of diapers on Christmas morning. My tolerance for trouble was zero.
Whereas with writing? It’s all a mess! I have little to show for; just this blog and one other blog (a secret one- you can ask me if you like), which contains about 7 unpublished books which have been written and blogged but never published on paper. It’s like I don’t even try, even though I know the material is awesome. And writing this blogpost on the inner voice has explained to me why that is:
my inner voice is doing the secret blog. It’s her haven. And she doesn’t want to deal with publicity, or spent time negotiating a deal, or deal with emails or NONE OF THAT. She just wants to write.
So my ego would have to do the publishing.
And after 8 years of failed publishing “attempts” (make those quotation marks bold, multiply them by five, and put a question- and an exclamation mark there) I think it’s safe to say my ego is not into it! ;)
Louise’s Best advice: Morning Mirror
Every morning Louise stands in front of the mirror and asks her inner voice: Tell me what I need to know. And then she listens.
week 10+ 11/15: Yoga with Sadie Nardini
For 15 weeks I’m teaching based on classes from Sadie Nardini. This week I m using the classes we did in the first two weeks of November (14 and 17 from Sadie’s Rockstar Teacher Training) and the You Tube class 40 MINUTES EVENING SLOW, and created this month’s pdf’s for home practice.
M Yoga # 7: Playground (standing pose/ solar)
M Yoga # 8: Forbidden Love (lying and seated/ lunar)